It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize