i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
