Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
