im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
