Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
