I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
