im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
