is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
