Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize