dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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