i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
