So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need to stop coming to work sober
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
