I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
