please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
