omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
