dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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