like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
