Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
