Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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