I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
