The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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