I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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