We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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