Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
