you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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