He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
