Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just invented taco cereal.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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