im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
