Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
