I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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