i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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