I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
