He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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