I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize