Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
