I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Four minutes until I can fart!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize