he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
