hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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