how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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