i think my tv is drunk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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