She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
