All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
