he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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