Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
