no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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