i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize