Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
