Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
