Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How naked do you want me to be?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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