Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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