DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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