If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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