Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
