Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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