need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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