I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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