you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
