Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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