So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
