I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
should my penis look like a turkey
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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