Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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