i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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