VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
