Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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