I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
