I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
