just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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