Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize