Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
