I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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